Don’t worry! There are grounding exercises that are not about breathing to help manage your child’s worry. Today we are going to go over 3 non-breathing options for addressing a moment of significant worry or panic: the 3-3-3 exercise, eye-spy, and cold exposure.
Breathing Exercises Aren’t Right for Worry
Anxious kids (and their parents) hear a lot about deep breathing. They are asked to take a deep breath. They are shown different breathing exercises to make sure that they are breathing deeply enough. They are encouraged to watch videos, or read books that encourage them to breathe deeply. And don’t get me wrong – breathing deeply works. Individuals that engage in deep breathing exercises have been shown to have reduced stress levels, and improved mental health (Fincham et al. 2023).
Unfortunately, there are certain situations where breathing exercises feel like they don’t help, or maybe even like they are counterproductive. For example, if your child is already panicking, melting down, or overwhelmed then they are generally not in a position to engage in adult-directed activities. For others, thinking about their breathing can cause their anxiety to spike as they overthink their breathing and potentially hyperventilate. Some children have such a hard time sitting still that it feels impossible to get them to watch even a short video, let alone follow along with you before they are back on the move.
Whatever the reason may be – if deep breathing isn’t helping or isn’t available – you need something else!
Breathing vs. Grounding Exercises
The good news is that there are still several evidence-based grounding exercises to help manage anxiety and panic without doing those darn breathing exercises. Breathing exercises are a subset of grounding exercises, or exercises that are intended to bring a person into the present moment to disengage with their feelings of anxiety or panic. When someone is feeling worried or panicked, they are thinking about something that happened in the past or something that could happen in the future. The answer to either one is to do something that brings their attention to the present. We call these grounding exercises, and though they sometimes have breath components they don’t have to.
Here are three good grounding options for young worried kids that you can do when their emotions are starting to escalate.
3-3-3
This is very similar to the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, but I find that the sequence is often frustrating for kids to remember and they can get stuck in doing it “correctly” which defeats the purpose. Have the child find 3 things of any sense 3 times. For example, “tell me 3 things you can see.” Then “3 things you can hear.” And finally “3 things you are touching.” The order of the senses is irrelevant, as is which ones you choose. Start with the one that is easiest for your kid to answer – that is often “see” but doesn’t have to be.
Eye Spy
One benefit of kid’s short attention spans, is that we can use it to our advantage when they are stressed. When they start to go down a rabbit hole, you can use simple games like eye spy to disengage them from their spiral. A game like eye spy has the added benefit of bringing hteir attention back to the present moment as they look around the room.
For younger children, I like to use colors or numbers. “Tell me 2 things that are blue.” Sometimes a directive like “tell me” isn’t going to work for your kid – and you are going to be the expert on that. Other starter phrases could be “I can see 3 blue things – can you?” or “Do you see the same blue thing that I do?”
Other kids do better if you ask them to ask you. It puts them in the drivers seat, and can help them feel more in control.
Cold Exposure
An often missed option that can really help manage your child’s worry when you’re at home is handing them something cold. It sounds silly but an ice pack, cold sip of water, or running wrists under cold water can really help disrupt the worry cycle. It works because a sudden cold exposure can slow your heart rate down quickly. Heart rate increases with worry, and so reducing it can reduce the feelings of worry in the moment. I’ve had success having kids drink something cold, and then pivoting to the 3-3-3 activity.
If you have questions about these, or tried them and need more options please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here to help!