Getting your child ready for their first counseling session can be easy if you: don’t give them too much notice, focus on the therapist, and let them know it’s supposed to be fun! You’ve decided to get started with counseling, and are now wondering how to talk about it with your child. Maybe they are anxious, and it could feel scary to go to a new place to meet a new person. Or maybe, they don’t want to talk about some of their behavioral outbursts, and you don’t want them to feel like they are in trouble. Whatever the reason for counseling, we’ve addressed all of these concerns and more with other families.
Introduce the First Counseling Session
Young kids don’t know about counseling! And it’s unlikely they talk about it with their friends. Most children have only been exposed to counseling or therapy through their school. Luckily – school counselors are generally lovely and welcoming human beings. For appointments, particularly with adults that are unfamiliar, I find that it is best to give kids enough notice to feel informed, but not so much notice that they are likely to worry. That’s usually a few days, and up to a week.
I like to introduce it through play, and helping. The formula for the phrasing is to start with what you’ve noticed is challenging, and add that you met someone that plays with kids to help solve that problem.
You could say something like:
“You know how your feelings has been really big sometimes? I met someone that plays with kids to help make __________ more manageable, and I’d like you to meet her. Her name is Rowan.”
“You know how sometimes you talk about how adults don’t understand, or don’t listen to you? I met someone that plays with kids to help adults understand what kids are trying to say. I’d like you to meet her, and play for a little bit. Her name is Rowan.”
Introduce Me
Remember, the foundation of the therapeutic process is in the relationship the child has with the therapist. I encourage families to talk about me and give their kids a good idea of who I am before they come for the first session. Kids like concrete information like photos, and interests.There are plenty of pictures of me on this website. Share them with your child, and let them know that you already spoke with me. When we do our initial phonecall, we’ll talk about your child’s interests and I can share what I think they’ll enjoy in the office.
You could say something like:
“I spoke with Rowan the other day, and I think you’ll like her. She has an office in Davis, and helps kids by playing with them. She likes some of the same things that you do like __________.”
Talk About Play
For children under about 12 years old, most counseling is done through play based strategies. I am an AutPlay certified provider, and tailor the play to be accessible and interesting to your child. There’s tons of fun activities to do in my room from art, legos, to swords, and more structured games like chess or Uno.
My goal is to build an environment where kids feel successful and supported to engage with the things in their life that feel out of control or overwhelming. I like to think of myself as somewhat of a translator from kid to adult. The highest compliment I think I have ever received is from a young client who told her mom “Rowan is for kids.” Kids share a lot through how they play, and what they play with. That is also the thing that they enjoy most – so be sure to highlight it when talking about coming.
“Rowan is not like a teacher, or a babysitter. She spends a lot of her time playing with kids, and even went to school to learn how to play better for kids.”
I always let them know that all sorts of other kids come to my room to do all sorts of different things. It’s important that they know that it’s not weird, or unusual for someone to be in my office.
Introducing the Space
For young kids, “office” sounds boring. And boring means all sorts of different things for kids but none of them are good. I often call the office a “Play Room” for counseling kids. It helps remind them that they are coming to play, and that it is not a place to avoid or dread. Regardless – transitions are hard! It can help for some kids to see the space. If you are local, they may have been to the shopping center our office is in already – it’s a popular spot of soccer team parties. For many, it can help to see the room before coming for that first appointment. Feel free to show them the pictures below:
Dealing with Questions
Kids are curious. It’s one of the charming, and maddening things about htem. Especially when you feel like you don’t have all the answers. Lots of kids come in for counseling because they are already feeling anxious or worried. They often have more questions, but often more information does not make them feel better. In that way, brief but clear is the goal. Focus on the concrete information, and be willing to be vague about the other parts.
You could say something like:
“Rowan plays what kids want to play, and she has a lot of toys in her room for you to explore. You are going to meet with her on __________ at __________ to play. The appointments are 45 minutes long, and I’ll be right outside. She said you can even peek at me through a window.”
When Your Child Has a Hard Time Separating
For many kids, it can be intimidating and scary to do an appointment on their own. I promise your child is not the first, last, or only child to want to stay with their caregiver. I’ve handled it different ways in the past depending on age, and anxiety level. If you aren’t sure if your child can transition alone, I recommend assuming that they can.
You could say something like:
“Rowan meets with a lot of kids in her room. I’ll be right outside, and you can look at me through the window”
If you’ve tried other things, or are having trouble getting your child to school. We start with parents in the room for the entire first session. I find that kids quickly stop paying attention to parents as they become engrossed in their play activities.
If you expect separating to be hard, you could say something like:
“Rowan said that parents can join sessions sometimes. I can stay for the first one so that we can find out what it’s like, and if you want to go back.”